Regarding the Speed With Which One Removes Band-Aids
}} Haley and Belkar break the news about Roy to Celia. Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Celia ◀ ▶ Transcript Scene overlooking Azure City from the cave of the Resistance. Cracks of the hole in the sky can be seen Celia: Azure City...and the Sapphire Guard...overrun by hobgoblins? I can't believe it! Haley: Don't forget the giant hole in the sky. I'm sure that absolutely isn't a sign that we're all screwed. Haley: The other half of the party sailed away that night, and we haven't heard from them since. Haley: I've considered leaving the city to try to find them, but I wouldn't know where to start. They have all the magic, you know. I figure it's better to sit tight and wait for them to come find us. Roy: But they CAN'T find you! You need to leave the city! Celia: And since you were stuck here anyway, you decided to form a resistance group, then? Haley: Yup. Do some good while we wait! Celia: How big is your army? Haley: Only 200 people. Turns out that two other groups started up with the same idea, and none of us really got along. Celia: Huh? Why not? Aren't you all on the same side? Haley: Not the way they see it. One group believes it was the evil influence of the Order of the Stick that corrupted its righteous leader, Hinjo, and led to his ruin in battle Haley: The other group thinks that Hinjo orchastrated[sic] Shojo's assassination personally, and that anyone who worked too closely with him can't be trusted. Haley: Neither group is therefore at all keen on the idea of working with me. We've spent more time fighting over supplies than we have battling hobgoblins. Celia: That's awful. Have you tried charming them? Haley: No, we haven't, because for the hundredth time, humans are not like you and do not cast sorcerer spells as a caster whose level equals their Hit Dice! Celia: Hey, it's not MY fault I don't know what you humans can do! you don't even HAVE an entry in the Monster Manual anymore! Celia: So wait, if Roy escaped the city with Elan, why were you carrying my talisman? Haley: That's, uh... that's not what I said Roy: Oh, gods... I don't think I can listen to this. Celia: What do you mean? You said only you and Belkar split from the group and got trapped in the city. Haley: Technically correct. Celia: So Roy is on the boat with the others. Roy: Please, Haley, break it to her gently. Haley: Not...exactly. Celia, I intentionally left something out of the story. I wanted you to hear the whole thing before I gave you the really bad news. Belkar: Hey! Haley! Where'd you stash those salted fish we swiped last week? Belkar: Mr. Scruffy hasn't eaten anything but rice and mice for three months. Haley: Belkar, can't you see that Celia was summoned here accidentally? Belkar: Yeah? Well unless she's gonna wave her little fairy wand and conjure up a mackerel or two, I don't see how that possibly impact my current dilemma. Haley (whispering): Belkar, will you just shut up for two freaking minutes?!? I need to tell her that Roy croaked! Belkar: Only if you agree to get me some fish for the Scruffinator. Haley (whispering): OK, fine! Now zip it! Haley: Celie...about Roy. He...god, there's no easy way to say this... Haley: He didn't make it. Celia: He didn't make it back to the boat? So he IS with you? Haley: No, I mean... he's not with us anymore. Celia: Oh, OK. Celia: So, what, he went scouting? Or did he go try to infiltrate Xykon's tower or something? Haley: No, Celia... Roy has joined the choir invisible. Celia: And that means what? That he multiclassed to bard? Haley: It means that Roy has crossed over to the other side. Celia: Of the city? Haley: No, the OTHER other side. Celia: ... Celia: He's gay? Belkar: OK, that's IT! I can't take the euphamisms[sic] anymore! Roy: Oh, no. No, don't you dare, you vile little— Haley: Belkar, what are you— Belkar: Roy is dead! Celia: What?!? Belkar: Yup, Xykon blasted him with a Meteor Swarm and now he's deader than class/race restrictions and nonweapon proficiencies. Belkar: But it's all good, because we've got his corpse stashed in a cave, so all we need to do is hook up with Whiskers Von Thor-Bugger and the other two idiots and he's be Resurrected faster than you can say, "Reduced impact of character mortality." Belkar: Now can we PLEASE go find Mr. Scruffy some damn fish?!? Haley: Oh, gods. Celia, I am so sorry. I didn't want you to find out that— Celia: No...no, it's OK, Haley. When he puts it like that, it doesn't sound so bad, really. Roy: Going to KILL you! Celia cries. Haley: It doesn't? Celia: Roy and I already had a long-distance relationship. All we ever needed was one spell to bring us back together. Celia: Only difference is, now the spell we need is Resurrection instead of Plane Shift. Not so bad when you think of it that way, y'know. Roy: Not so bad... easy for her to say, she's not the one who's this close, and still so far away. Celia: Besides, it's almost like I can feel him watching over us... Belkar: Hey! If you can't find a way to cut back on the weepy melodrama, I swear I'll start dropping random pop culture reference. Belkar: And I don't think anyone wants that! D&D Context * As Haley accurately notes, Sylphs may cast sorcerer spells as a caster whose level equals their Hit Dice. * The Monster Manual is the primary sourcebook for creature abilities and statistics. Playable races like humans and elves are detailed in the Player's Handbook, though in previous editions there were also entries in the Monster Manual for when these races appeared as opponents or NPCs. * Multiclassing is when a character takes new levels in a Class other than their original one. It allows them to gain new abilities but has some drawbacks as well. * In AD&D 1st and 2nd editions, certain races could only play certain classes. For example, Dwarves could not be spell casters, restricted to Fighters, Thieves (Rogues) and Assassins. These restrictions were lifted in 3rd Edition D&D. * Similarly, the first two editions had a system of Nonweapon Proficiencies to cover skills outside of combat. These abilities were reorganized into character Skills in 3.0. * The fact that players can be resurrected with only a 5th level spell means that death is not as big of a deal in D&D as it might otherwise be, as Belkar notes about "character mortality." Trivia * The title points out that there is less pain when an adhesive bandage is ripped off quickly rather than slowly peeled away, i.e. Haley's prolonging of delivering the news extends the pain, whereas Belkar's approach is perhaps more painful but is over quicker. * Xykon blasted Roy with a Meteor Swarm in #442, though that did not directly kill him; it was the fall that ultimately brought him below 0 hit points. * In panel 5 of page 1 there's a typo in the online comic: orchestrated is spelled as orchastrated. * In panel 6 of page 2 there's a typo in the online comic: euphemisms is spelled as euphamisms. External Links * 530}} View the comic * 72339}} View the discussion thread Category:Haley Leads the Resistance